Home Funeral Movement Gaining Momentum

If I'd harbored any doubts about the viability of the home funeral movement in this country, last weekend's celebration of the Crossings organization's 10th anniversary would have laid them all to rest.

Crossings, as readers of Grave Matters know, is the Maryland-based non-profit that offers workshops that teach the basic skills of holding a home funeral -- how to wash and dress a body and lay it out for viewing in the deceased's own home, without the assistance of a funeral director. The group was founded by Beth Knox, who was inspired by the heartbreaking and, yet, affirming home funeral she conducted for her seven-year-old daughter, Alison.

Last weekend's event brought together the vast Crossings community, to share information, renew contacts and celebrate a decade's worth of good work. And what a community it has become. Some seventy people from around the country packed into the Seekers Church in Washington, D.C., for a day of presentations, networking and socializing. A number of them were home funeral "midwives" who'd taken Beth's workshops and now offer families in their own communities information and instruction on home funeral strategies -- and, in some cases, guide them through the actual washing and laying out of their deceased. More of them had come to simply gain advice on how start their own funeral group back home. A few, like the one widower who, though his grief, told of his wife's recent passing and home funeral, were there to attest to the very real, personal benefits that accrue when we take care of our own at death.

For me, the event showed that the home funeral, which I'd once thought an intriguing but mere historical phenomenon, was in fact a viable practice that was gaining adherents and traction in our own time.

And for good reason. One of the speakers last week was Nancy Poer, author of Living Into Dying (White Feather Publishing). Nancy told the story of a mother whose eight-month-old daughter had died in the hospital, in her mother’s arms. When the time came to hand the infant to the medical staff, the mother, Nancy said, "just did not want to leave her baby" in that cold place, in the company of strangers. A tug of war ensued between the hospital and mother. Nancy got involved. Thanks to her, the father could later tell her, "We walked out of that hospital with our daughter in our arms" and had a funeral for her at home. That, Nancy told us at the Crossings event, "is why we do the work we do."

One of the results of the conference will be a directory of organizations and individuals that offer home funeral services in their communities. I'm not sure when that list will be available. In the meantime, if you're looking for information on or help with a home funeral, you can consult this list, which was just compiled by the Crossings Care Circle of Austin, Texas.

Mark Harris,
Author, Grave Matters (www.gravematters.us)

Update on Home Funerals, to Come

I'm on the road to Washington, D.C., where I'll be speaking at the 10th anniversary celebration of Crossings: Caring for Your Own at Death. Readers of Grave Matters will remember its founder, Beth Knox, the mother who holds a home funeral for her seven-year-old daughter following an automobile accident. It's Beth's heartbreaking and affirming story that inspired me to include a chapter on home funerals in the book. I'll report on the celebration and on developments in the home funeral movement when I return.

In the meantime, those of you who have followed our discussion here on the merits of new eco caskets that are showing up in modern-day coffin shops might enjoy this short clip on the topic, from American Public Media's radio show, Marketplace.

The photo above was taken at one of Beth Knox's workshops, in which she teaches the basics of holding a home funeral.

Mark Harris
Author, Grave Matters (www.gravematters.us)

Better to Expire at Home

For my family's sake, I hope I don't expire in any of our local hospitals. If I do, there's no saying if my wife and daughters will be able to handle my final affairs themselves.

That's the gist of what I learned when I called around to hospitals in my area. My question to the spokespersons at each of them was straightforward: would my family be able to take control of my remains -- that is, remove and transport them home or to the crematory or cemetery directly -- were I to die on hospital premises?

The answer? I certainly wish I knew.

One representative said she'd never heard of any family making such a request; another said she'd look into the question and get back (but never did). None of them, in fact, knew what hospital policy was in this case or if one even existed. All, I'm sure, wrote me off as a crackpot (a designation that, as an environmental journalist, I'm all too familiar with).

I'd called the hospitals to help fill out a "final affairs" packet I've been assembling for my family (more on this in future blogs). Planning one's own eventual funeral is always a good idea, for obvious reasons. Doing that for any kind of natural return, particularly one that bypasses the funeral director, is even more important, because families must rely on their own, limited knowledge to pull it off. I figured any information I could provide while still vertical -- i.e., a copy of the hospital policy, the name of representatives I spoke with -- would educate my family about its rights when death came calling, embolden them, perhaps, and, in the process, make the simple funeral/burial of my choice more likely to happen. Starting with getting me out of the hospital.

I knew that policy addressing the release of remains, when it exists at all, differs from hospital to hospital. Some permit families to retrieve remains only if the deceased had expressed such a wish in writing. Others only release corpses to licensed funeral directors.

Certainly, funeral directors remove bodies from hospitals in an efficient manner and know how to navigate the bureaucratic channels of post-deathcare -- a big plus for hospitals and families. But are funeral directors the only entities who may undertake that responsibility -- by law? Following my less than fruitful interactions with area hospitals, I've begun to consider this broader question: do hospitals have the legal right to deny families the opportunity to retrieve their own dead from hospital grounds?

I'll investigate this question in the coming weeks and report back.

The photograph that heads this blog was taken at Honey Creek Woodlands, a conservation burial ground for all faiths on the grounds of the 2,100-acre Monastery of the Holy Spirit, outside Atlanta. Slated to open next month, it's being developed and operated by Billy and Kimberley Campbell of Memorial Ecosystems. More on this newest and intriguing -- a Monastery! -- addition to the growing list of green cemeteries shortly.

Note: I'm out of town to celebrate Easter with family next week. My next blog entry will be on March 28.

Cremation: The Tour

What impressed me most when I visited the crematory I profile in Grave Matters -- Philadelphia Crematories Incorporated (PCI) -- was the openness of owner Bill Sucharski and staff. Far from seeking to shield this reporter from the details of disposition by fire, Bill literally opened his doors to me, leading me on a tour of his spotless facility, answering my every question (multiple times and over repeated visits) and allowing me a look behind the scenes. It's the same tour he offers anyone who knocks on his door, because, as Bill told me, "We’re not doing anything we’re ashamed of."

You should demand a similar tour of any crematory you're considering engaging, says Bill. Until you do, here’s a limited preview, compliments of the History Channel, of what you can expect to see.

Mark Harris
Author, Grave Matters (www.gravematters.us)